


The Universe in a Can

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Fluff, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Multiple Perspectives, post sburb au, teen dating shenanigans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-02-16
Updated: 2013-03-16
Packaged: 2017-11-29 11:53:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,726
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/686679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A little over three years after the sudden (although not entirely unexpected) disappearance of John Egbert, Rose Lalonde, Dave Strider, and Jade Harley, they're back. Bruised, battered, and with unexpected company, but back, and attempting to resume life as normally as possible. </p><p>Somewhere on the other side of the universe, the trolls are attempting a similar course of action.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The one where everyone's home

You lay in your bed, feeling quite comfortable, drifting in that special sort of liquid lucidity between actually waking up, and being asleep. It’s nice. Of course, that fact that you’re enjoying this brief time of peace means that whatever forces that control the universe feel a responsibility to fuck it up. You hear voices. Cackling. Cackling like god damn lunatic idiots. From the sound of it two distinct people. Male. Teenagers. And coming from inside your god damned apartment. You dart out of bed, still in your pyjamas but not caring because the only thing better than scaring the shit out of two dumbass teenagers is doing it while wearing muppet boxers. You don’t exactly keep the place locked up tight, but the motion detectors should have been set off.

You flashstep quickly to the source of the laughter. Dave’s room. You haven’t been in there in more than a year. Almost two. He’s been gone three. If those fuckers have touched any of his stuff you are going to literally kill them. You see no cons to going to jail for this crime. You slam open the door and the hysterical laughter (interrupted by a small, choking sob once or twice?) ceases immediately. You look down at the two teens, sword held threateningly forward. And then you really look. 

They’re somewhat scrawny, both blonde, although one has slightly more orange hair, almost ginger, and the other’s blonde is as white as - white as . . . They’re both wearing shades. The ginger, whose hair is spiked up in an incredibly rad way has shades that match yours. The other boy’s shades are aviators. You put your sword away because the boy is Dave. The other boy appears to be you but you aren’t really going to focus on that right now because holy fucking shit? The boys are both wearing borderline medieval armor - Dave’s red and black, the other boy (you?) in magenta. The armor would be confusing if not for the fact that they were both severely injured, leaking blood from numerous wounds. The you-looking kid just gapes, but Dave pushes himself off of his bed that he was sitting on, and stands in front of you. 

He’s almost as tall as you and look horrifyingly old, carrying himself with a near unrecognizable confidence. And then he does the strangest thing he’s ever done. He steps forward and wraps his arms around you, pulling you into a hug. You don’t think he’s ever hugged you. Ever. Striders don’t hug. His arms are surprisingly strong, but really not that surprisingly because obviously someone’s been doing some fighting. He steps back. You realize too late that maybe you should have reciprocated. 

“Hey.” He says, with a nod of his head at you, but you can tell by his body posture even now after so long that he can’t quite bring himself to meet your gaze (shades).

“Holy hell, Dave.” Is the only thing you can vocalize now because you legitimately thought he was dead. 

You remember ranting at Lalonde. Ranting and ranting and lines of text sent to an account you knew would never reply because she just didn’t have the answers. You told her she was over her head with that idiotic game. She had admitted to you that whatever she had expected to happen it wasn’t that they would just disappear and that she really didn’t know what it did but she knew it would be important but fuck that noise. She said maybe if you just waited he would come back but you’ve never exactly been a positive thinker. You remember going in and filing a report with the police even though they’d never find him, but the school would get suspicious if he just stopped showing up.

You remember the ‘MISSING’ posters. He wasn’t smiling in the picture. Looking at them hurt a bit, because you knew it was your own damn fault. Lalonde insisted that these kids would need to survive the apocalypse (her evidence was overwhelming - it had seemed plausible at the time) so you raised a kid to survive the apocalypse. And what a better way to raise him then to try to turn him into you? After all, there’s no one you trust more in a situation than yourself. For this, you hate yourself a little bit more.

“Uh, yeah. I guess this is probably a little bit weird for you.” He shuffles awkwardly and looks over at the you-kid who shrugs a bit. “Okay . . . weird question but what year is it?”

“It’s 2012. August 2012.” You find your throat threatening to close a bit and nope. Nope you are not allowing your voice to crack, knock it off. 

“Oh, really? Sweet. Man I guess the spacey chicks really knew what they were doing with all that frog shit.” That was all pretty much nonsense to you. Each individual word made sense but altogether it was like badly translated Japanese. Other kid nods. He seems to very actively avoid looking at you. 

“Alright Dave, let’s cut to the chase. Where the hell have you been for the past three years?” 

“I don’t think you’d believe me.” He says nervously. 

“I don’t think that’s for you to decide.” You say cooly, only out of necessity. Easier to keep your voice in check. Don’t freak out, Bro. He shrinks down a bit but then quickly stands up straight again. He‘s still tense. You speak a bit softer. “But I’m guessing you probably don’t need the third degree right now.”

“Yeah I’d kind of just like to chill and catch up with everyone if that ain’t too much to ask.” 

“Sounds good. But would you mind telling me who my doppelganger over there is?” You gesture to the other kid who looks up after being mentioned. Dave gives an expectant look towards him. He stands up and you notice a bit of reluctance. 

“Dirk Strider.” He says sticking out a hand. That’s your name. Okay. “I’m going to assume that you’ve already figured out that I’m you. Because I’m you. And I would have assumed that at this point.” His accent is bizarre. Not quite an accent, really. More of a lack of any accent. His inflection and pronunciation is textbook perfect. This is alarming to you.

“Well, that just about makes no sense at all, doesn’t it?” You direct at lil’ you. 

“It would make sense if it was explained. I feel I should clarify, though, when I say I’m you. Biologically, we’re identical, but as for our lives, there is a distinct lack of similarity. It’s not quite fair to call us the same person.” Okay the you-kid is really creepy you don’t like it he talks weird and is totally you when you were sixteen except for kind of different and that isn’t okay at all.

Why is this happening.

You take a quick second to question why the universe feels the need to pour shit like this on to you and then you remember that you’re horrible.

“Alright. Fair enough.” There’s a moment of silence before Dave interrupts. 

“What are you supposed to do in this kind of situation?” You shrug in response. 

“Well, obviously none of us have any fucking idea. What about your little friends? They doin alright?”

“Shit, I don’t know. Good question though.” He presses the rim of his shades and they light up. “I’ll check on the Crockberts and the Harlenglishes, you check on the Lalondes, alright? I feel like that’s gonna take a lot longer.” The last part isn’t directed at you. Dave pauses for a moment. “That’s assuming that everyone’s . . . present.”

“Alright. I’m fine with you being the one to have to wake people up.” Says Mini-You. They’re both incredibly tense. “And I’m sure Roxy will be wanting to hear from me.” Dave sits back down on the bed and just sort of . . . stares down a bit. You assume that the glasses are computerized. Feeling phenomenally awkward, you excuse yourself. 

“I’ll be in the living room. Come talk to me when you’re done with that.” You tell them. Little you gives a thumbs up. 

You sit down on your sofa and you have never been more confused in your life. Obviously, whatever that fucking game did was something big, and obviously it was pretty messed up too. Dave hugged you. He just came up, and wrapped his arms around you. That wasn’t something that Dave did. You hate to say it, but you raised him not to care that much. It was easier that way. Of course you fucked it up and ended up caring for the little meteor hellspawn like your own flesh and blood, but you had hoped he hadn’t grown too attached to you. It looks like he did. You decide to chat Roxy and see if she knows anything about this. Maybe she’s got a younger version of her at her house too, judging by little you’s use of ‘Lalondes’. You stop to think of the implications of that first for a moment. 

It wasn’t just Dave and Rose. It was Dave, Rose, Harley’s granddaughter Jade, and their friend John, who you believe was the grandson of Harley’s sister, but you weren’t quite sure how that fit in with the whole meteor baby thing. You tried not to get too caught up in the details of the plan that didn’t involve you. You picture a young Roxy with a young Gramps Harley, Mini-You, and a younger version of Harley’s sister. It doesn’t work in your head, but logically, that might be what’s happening. You open up your chat client to talk to Lalonde. 

[BRO began messaging MOM] [06:12]

BRO: Yo Lalonde.   
MOM: dork!!!   
MOM: lol, i mean dirk srry that typo wasnt actually intentional liek they usually are   
MOM: tdoay is serious conversitan day i beleve or you wouldnt be messaging me   
BRO: You’ve got that right.    
BRO: Dave’s home. And there’s a younger version of me with him.   
MOM: WAHT?   
MOM: ohmygosh daveys back??   
MOM: tell momma what you knwo, dirk   
BRO: I woke up this morning to two teenage boys cackling like idiots in Dave’s room.    
BRO: Went to go check it out, and there was Dave, and - I shit you not, because you didn’t act nearly surprised enough the first time - a younger version of me.   
MOM: omg   
MOM: wahts up with that?   
MOM: how does that eevn wourk?   
MOM: do you think that rose . . . maybe shes okay too?   
BRO: You should go check. I think it’s highly plausible.    
BRO: Younger me was trying to pester her and possibly you a minute or so ago.    
MOM: yeahs im gonna go cehk on that.   
MOM: i swear2 god if she isnt there i m goin to have sreouis words with taht younger u for getting my hopes up   
MOM: serious*   
BRO: You do that. I hope Rose is alright as well.    
BRO: She sounds like a fucking cool kid.    
MOM: shes da COOLEST kid   
MOM: yuo dont even know   
MOM: so dave and lil’ dirk were just sorta there laughin and stuff?   
BRO: I think they were laughing because they were relieved.    
BRO: They were wearing full, fairly serious looking armor, and were covered in injuries, worrying although minor.   
BRO: Definitely recent, judging by the amount of healing.    
BRO: Like, really recent, Ma. Stuff went down. Serious shit.   
BRO: It was pretty fucking surreal. Dave hugged me.   
MOM: he didnt!!!   
BRO: He did.    
MOM: wut do you think happened to them w the game?   
BRO: I have no clue. Whatever it was, though, it was serious.    
BRO: He looks so old now, Rox.   
BRO: He carried himself like an entirely different person.    
BRO: A lot can happen in three years.    
MOM: defs   
MOM: poor davey   
MOM: k goin in to rosie’s room now wish me luck   
BRO: I truly do.    
MOM: ohmhy god shes herre   
MOM: drik shes right here    
MOM: and so anm little me whats even goin on rite now   
MOM: she looks likr a warriror pirncess all armured up gold and stuff   
MOM: lil mes got some suck bluey duds al up in this betch   
MOM: sick* lol   
BRO: So there’s definitely a pattern.    
BRO: I guess we will be seeing Gramps Harley again then after all.    
MOM: omg a yuongn gramps harls sound SOO fuckin cute   
MOM: woldnt evn know wat 2do w that   
MOM: gahh rosie and little me r huggin n stuff now too   
MOM: fuckin hugfest upp in here gosh typin worse than usual cuz of all these taers   
MOM: lil me sez shes pesterin lil u   
MOM: thats werd to think about rite?   
MOM: 2x message combob   
BRO: That’s pretty bizarre.    
BRO: Listen, why don’t you try and get answers from your people there, and I’ll talk to mine.   
BRO: Dave just came out of his room.   
MOM: right!!!    
MOM: tell lil dave i say hello   
BRO: He doesn’t know who you are.    
MOM: do it anyway!!   
BRO: Alright.   
BRO: I can’t argue with that logic.    
MOM: good luck w ur little bro

[MOM ceased messaging BRO] [6:21]

“Hey.” Says Dave, sitting next to you on the futon.

“Hey. So, your friends alright? Oh, and Rose’s mom wants me to tell you hello.”

“Yeah, actually. Everyone’s okay. Even the people who-” He cuts himself off for a moment to swallow. “Everyone’s alive, I think. And I guess hi to Rose’s mom?”

“You think?” You press.

“Well, still a few people unaccounted for, but that makes sense because we didn’t really think that they’d end up on Earth anyway. I don’t think that they’re in signal range to contact us anymore.” He sighs a bit, but then the edges of his mouth quirk up in a small smile. “But so far everyone’s just reported injuries.” A tear rolls down his cheek and you are panicking on the inside because Striders Don’t Cry and if Dave was crying (he is crying, asshole, and you don’t know what to do) he certainly wouldn’t be doing it so openly in front of you. You think they’re happy tears. You don’t have enough experience with tears in general to be able to tell.

“Should I even bother asking where your other friends would be if they weren’t on Earth?” 

“No. We’re all going to meet up and explain this all at once just for clarity and stuff. Rose’ll probably do a better job than I could, though. I mean, Dirk could probably explain it all fairly clearly too but it just works better this way. Yeah.” 

“Well, I hate to break it to you bro, but I’m gonna need this all explained to me soon, probably sooner than we’ll be able to meet up with all your friends.” He smirks a bit at that. 

“We have our ways, Bro.”

“Like shit you do, kid. When exactly do you intend to get this whole rendezvous arranged, because if it ain’t in the next five minutes you’re gonna have to be the one to pony up the answers.” The smirk is full on now. 

“Looks like we’re on the same schedule, then.” A green glowing portal opens up three feet in front of you. This day is officially the weirdest of your life. 

“Nice. So we just, jump through there or what?”

“Yeah, just like, step through.”

“Cool.”

“Yo Dirk!” Dave calls. “Let’s roll!”

“Sure thing.” He says as he steps into the room. Dave steps into the portal with absolutely no hesitation and mini-you follows suit, so you have no choice but to assume you won’t be vaporized and take the plunge, as it were. You stick your foot through and it just feels like taking a step from carpet onto linoleum so you walk through. You turn to look at the portal which stops being a portal and starts being a teenage girl, which is slightly worse. 

“DAVE!” She screeches, leaping onto your brother. You glance around the room. It’s filled to the brim with random shit including stray globes, randomly placed yet elegant couches, various bleached pictures of women’s faces, suits of armor, and a fireplace, done up in gold and purple. Atop the fireplace is a picture of the girl who’s tackling your brother, and in front of it and infinitely more interesting is the stuffed corpse of Jake ‘Gramps’ Harley. You assume the girl to be his granddaughter Jade. In a similar line of thought, you assume this to be his house. You walk up to him as a boy steps forward from the shadows next to the fireplace. You didn’t notice him earlier. Well, you did, but amongst the clutter and with the haze of sleep still fogging your brain over, you hadn’t quite registered him as an actual human being. He trips over a stray axe lying on the ground and attempts to catch himself, only succeeding to stumble around for a few seconds knocking over a few dozen priceless artifacts. 

“Oh, buggeration!” He ‘curses’ loudly under his breath. You take a moment to look at him. Armor as well, his a light creamy gold, severely lacking in the pants department. Could those shorts be any shorter? You assume no, not before they’d be classified as underwear. At least he has the decency to be wearing ridiculously tall, armored boots. His dark brunette hair swoops gracefully but not neatly over his head, and thick rectangular glasses frame curious emerald green eyes. Age that face a few decades, and you’d have one identical to Hass’s. Okay then. 

“Watch where y’all are stepping there, kiddo.” He looks up at you, eyes as wide as dinner plates.

“Oh! Sorry, sorry, didn’t really mean to cause any disruptions here at all. Just a bit distracted by all of this sweet loot and what not! Simply astounding. I daresay it would take a lifetime to acquire all of this paraphernalia!” He asserts boldly. He speaks with a familiar speech impediment - although not one that you’ve heard in a decade - pronouncing his Ls in a strange way, with an almost R sound before them. If you didn’t know what you were looking for, it could almost be heard like a posh British accent.

“It did.” You answer simply. Gramps Harley had many a tale of his daring adventures throughout his life, and you remember them being fairly entertaining. “This version of you was quite the adventurer. Assuming that I’m right in my classification of you as the younger, alternate version of Jake Harley.”

“That I am, good sir! That I am!” He grins vapidly at you. “That would of course make you the elder Mr. Dirk Strider?”

“Just call me Bro.” 

“Excellent! Allow me to formally introduce myself then.” He sticks his hand out. “Jake English, amateur adventurer and Page of Hope.”

“Nice to meet you, kid.” You say, meaning it. You were rather fond of Grampa Hass, and found him good for a joke and interesting discussion. His death had been a bit surprising and a bit sad, but you hadn’t been broken up about it. The whole situation is bizarre and ridiculous, so you decide to just play along with it until your mind catches up to all of the day’s weird shit. 

“The same, friend. It’s rather bizarre, though, seeing a quite older and quite different version of one of my best pals standing right before my very eyes. And you don’t sound a thing like him! Well, the voice has a few base similarities but your texan accent certainly varies from my Dirk’s particular way of speaking. I do suppose it makes sense, what with Dave and all.”

“So if he’s your ‘best pal’ then why ain’t you over there talking to him?” You ask. He shrinks down a bit and twiddles his thumbs. He glances over to where the other three teens are standing and chatting. Dave and Dirk take a step back as Jade does her portal thing once more. Fuckin creepy. You notice that her armor is pitch black with a red accent here and there. Bad ass. You also notice the symbols planted on the chest of each teen. Jade’s was a white design with spiraling arms, Dave’s is a cog, Jake’s is a winglike design, and Dirks is . . . it’s a heart. Alright then. 

“Er, well . . . you see, things are a bit tense within our half of the group at the moment. A bit of an emotional kerfuffle and the like, you know how it is.”

“Oh yeah, totally man. I’ve had a kerfuffle or two in my day.” You have no idea what the hell a kerfuffle is. 

“And, well, I’m sure you know what kind of person you are. Always been a rather stubborn one. Not exactly open to a good old feelings jam to get ourselves sorted out. But then again, I haven’t been that willing to talk either. To any of my pals, really.” He sighs. You think you liked the older version of Hass better. This one seems a bit . . . 

“Well, I have to say that your current method of avoiding conversation is a brilliant solution to a conflict based on a lack of communication.” You say dryly.

“That sounded a little bit like sarcasm there!” He chirps. “You striders and your insincerity, I swear it’s going to be another death of me someday.” Another. You store that information away for later when stuff starts to make sense. 

Just then, a few more people enter the room through lil Harley’s magic portal. You feel like that could be a show. A girl in tan armor, supporting a bent over boy dressed in blue. He appears to have some sort of stomach injury, judging by the way he’s walking and holding his arms, but his clothes are blood and tear free, so you assume that it isn’t too bad. He’s got something that looks somewhat like a sash, but definitely isn’t, tied around his waist. Maybe a long hood? You assume it’s extra support for the injury, and impromptu bandage of sorts. The two kids are immediately swarmed by the other four in the room. Following them is a dapper man with a jacketless suit and fedora. Normally fedoras are really, really douchey, but he wears his like a classic, old-timey businessman so you forgive him. In one hand, he holds a pipe up to his mouth, and gray smoke pours out. You were unaware that people still smoked pipes. He looks around tensely for a moment before approaching you. 

“Yo.” You say, with a nod of your head at the other gentleman. It feels right to call him a gentleman in your head. 

“Hello.” He says, politely but strained. He looks around the room, obviously much more confused than you are, or at least worse at dealing with the confusion. He sticks his hand out for an introductory shake. Over his shoulder you see what Roxy would call a ’hugfest’ happening. “I’m Joel Egbert.”

“Ah.” godDAMN does this guy have a grip. He is deceptively strong. You wonder if he would fight you. You wonder if underneath the shirt he’s all ripped and stuff. You wonder is he would take off his shirt and then fight you.You say none of these things out loud. “Dirk Strider. I’m Dave’s older bro. You’re the John’s kid’s dad then, right?” You ask, now able to identify the bespectacled, blue-clad boy as Dave’s friend John. That makes tan armor girl the young Harley sister.

“Yes, that would be me. It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Strider.” Daddy Egbert says with a smile. 

“Just call me Bro.” You request. Being called Mr. Strider is just . . . weird. Feels too formal for someone like you. 

“You just call me Dad then, Bro. Everyone already does.” Weird, but okay. “Now, Bro, do you have any sort of idea what’s going on here?” He looks tired, and happy, but his eyes are clouded over like he might cry. Of course. His son’s been missing just as long as Dave has, and he had no precedent for the disappearance. 

“Alright, Dad. Well, I’ll tell you what I do know. I know that your son and his friends, including Dave, played a game that was highly dangerous, but cosmically necessary, and in fact the origin of the meteor that John was found in.” His eyes widen a bit, but he doesn’t speak up, allowing you to continue. “We can assume that they entered the game, and that caused their disappearance, and now they’re back and three years older, accompanied by younger versions of their respective guardians.”

“I find that hard to believe, but in light of all the strange things that have been happening today I’m willing to trust just about any answer.” He takes a puff from his pipe and lets out a bit of smoke. “I have to say, I never expected to see my son again . . . or my mother.” 

“I never really thought I’d see Dave again either.” you admit. “I guess the universe decided to play nice for once instead of being a huge piece of shit like normal.” He frowns a bit. 

“I suppose, but obviously these children have had some horrific experience. John has a very sever stomach injury, but refused any medical attention.” 

“He does? He didn’t look that injured to me, dude, their armor’s all intact and there’s a really low amount of blood.”

“That was my initial observation, yes,” he says, puffing his pipe. “but bizarrely enough, all of their injuries were below the armor. They said it repairs itself.”

“Woah, freaky. You think it really does?”

“My son is many things, but not a liar, and certainly wouldn’t try any funny businesss in such a state.”

You hear Roxy, Roxy, and Rose pop out of Harley’s portal. You step forward to greet her, but notice her gaze lock behind you on Dad instead. You check back at him, and he’s matching her dumbfounded expression with equal vigor, pipe held in hand to avoid being dropped by his slightly agape mouth. Meanwhile, Rose and young Roxy start babbling away with the rest. You take note of their symbols too - Rose’s a yellow sun, Roxy’s a design similar to Jade’s but with shorter arms that don’t meet at a central point, John’s a sort of wavy blue thing, and Jane’s look a bit like John’s turned on its side and green. You assume that they have meaning of sorts. 

“Pardon me, Miss, but this doesn’t happen to be yours, does it?” Asks Dad Egbert, pulling a long, pink scarf from his sylladex. Roxy slowly walks forward and accepts it. 

“Yes, this . . . this is mine.” She says strangely and did it get awkward in here or is it just you? They stare into each other’s eyes for a moment. The moment gets a bit longer. And longer. It’s probably only been a few seconds or so but you are pretty sure that Roxy and Joel are competing male deer, and their eyes are the perpetually locked horns of two unfortunate, virile bucks. What the actual fuck is going on, though. 

“Joel Egbert.” He says, sticking out his hand with a cheerful but shy smile. Roxy takes his hand delicately and but gives a firm shake. 

“Roxy Lalonde. It’s good to see you again, Joel.” She says wistfully. Eugh. Gross. You feel like you should get this back on track but you don’t know how to without prompting Roxy to smack you. She’s feisty. Behind the misty eyed adults, tan armor girl is glowing cyan, running her hands over people in a bizarre way. She touches John’s stomach and he relaxes visibly, uncurling a bit. Healing magic?

Until proven otherwise you decide to assume that they’ve all made contracts to become magical children. That would be so cool. 

Your new lord and savior Rose Lalonde interrupts the eyeboning by walking over as the rest of the children file into the other room. 

“Mother, I hate to disrupt whatever’s happening here, but I’d just like to tell you that we’re all stepping into the other room to regroup for a moment. We’ll come get you when we’re done.” 

“Woah, sweetie, woooaah. What do you mean you’ll come get us?” Says Roxy, tsking and shaking her head. “Nope. Nope nope nope. Sorry honey I can never let you out of my sight ever again.” Rose smiles weakly, and wraps her arms around her mother. Roxy jolts like she’s been caught off guard, which she has been.

Nothing she’s ever said has made Rose come off as the physically affectionate type.

“I can certainly appreciate the sentiments, Mom, but we’ll just be a few minutes in the other room. Don’t worry.”

“Yo, woah.” You cut in. “I was promised an explanation within the next five minutes ten minutes ago. Y’all are way overdue.” 

“Fair enough, Strider. Don’t expect anything meaningful from this conversation, though. I don’t think anyone really has enough energy to give thorough explanation right now though. Shall we move this discussion to the adjacent room, then?” She beckons you through the creaking, mahogany door into what will undoubtedly be the strangest conversation you’ve ever had.


	2. The one where alternia

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karkat wakes up in his recuperacoon on alternia.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh thank you all so much for these nice comments. I hope this next chapter is up to your standards!

You wake up and holy fucking shit your head hurts and you are in pain all over everywhere but the fact that you can still feel pain is actually welcome for once in your miserable existence because it means that you aren’t dead. Unless you are dead and whatever inexplicably malevolent forces control the universe have decided that it would be to their continuing amusement to have you suffer as much as physically possible. The second option seems far more plausible because you of all people don’t get nice things. Going through that fucking door must have killed you. You peel yourself from your recuperacoon. Eugh. Another great thing about the afterlife to go along with the pain: apparently the horrorterror-generated memory of old sopor actually has the same nauseating curdled-milk texture and festering wound stench as real old sopor. 

You don’t feel dead. Your current state of being definitely doesn’t match the bizarre, bodiless experience that comes with dreambubbles, whether or not you’re sleeping or physically standing into them. The only way you could describe the feeling is like dipping an open wound into fresh sopor: numbing, but not altogether unpleasant, but still a bit unnerving. Still, though, maybe being dead in a dream bubble felt more permanent and solid than just temporary passage or sleep? Is it really too god damned hard for people to tell you this shit? Someone has to know all of this. Probably Lalonde. Or Aradia. One of the creepier females of your team. 

You check your limbs. Everything seems shockingly intact. Painful, but present. You can’t see any blood (or sopor either, thankfully) on your dirt-free God armor, but you can feel the bleeding happening. With an excruciating sigh (ribs: broken) you stumble to the ablution chamber and stare at yourself in the mirror. The steely grays and muted red-browns of the armor you alchemized out of your Knight of Blood duds are hardly visible through the black veil of your new sunglasses. A present from Dave. 

but you know these are like the original ones right here straight - well no like superinderactly - from ben stiller’s weird looking mug and theyre pretty much from john too because he gave them to me in the first place and he agreed with me that you should have them i guess you could use them to cover up your freakish mutant eyes since your color is just coming in and i mean youre going back to your weird troll planet probably and you don't want to get murdered i mean at least thats what i use them for minus the murdering part anyway yeah just wear those and think of me and john giving you a platonic yet tender three way brohug and-

HOLY SHIT DAVE. SHUT THE FUCK UP. BUT . . . THANK YOU. I’M GOING TO MISS THE MISERABLY SMALL AMOUNT OF PATHETICALLY TOLERABLE COMPANIONSHIP YOU GUYS PROVIDED FOR ME. 

You stand there, blood-caked yellow claws hovering just over the edge of the lenses.

Do you take them off?

Do you check if you-

You don't want to be dead

You don't think you’re dead but you remember going through that door barely holding yourself together

You want to be alive

You’re not dead. 

You’re not. 

You came so far. 

You gingerly slip the glasses off your face, eyes squeezing shut before you realize you’re doing it, and you set them next to the sink with a slight clink. In. Out. Breathe. Calm. The gist of what John would tell you when you’re flipping your shit like this. You force yourself to exhale, and then inhale again. You relax the muscles around your eyes, keeping the lids closed but just barely. Lightly. Not carrying the earlier tension.

Your head still hurts.

Everything still hurts.

Please don’t let this be what dying feels like.

You had so much to hope for

Things finally

finally started coming together you had WANTED things

In.

Out.

Breathe.

Calm. 

Your eyelids travel upwards.  
Yellow and crimson and black, dead with tiredness and ghosts of so many friends but alive and you haven’t lost everyone, you haven’t lost everything. You are KARKAT VANTAS. KARKAT FUCKING VANTAS. A God. A Hero. A knight in shining armor. And you are alive. You decide to communally relish in this victory with the company of your remaining friends, so you open up your husktop at your old desk. It feels so strange to be back to this after everything that happened. 

You log into Trollian.

\-- caligulasAquarium [CA] began trolling carcinoGenetecist [CG] --

CA: kar  
CA: you there kar

Yeah you’re fucking dead. 

CG: UNHOLY GRUBLICKING TROLL BUDDHA.  
CG: ERIDAN?  
CA: yeah its me   
CA: wwhat of it  
CG: NOTHING DUDE IT’S JUST THE LAST TIME I CHECKED YOU WERE KIND OF DEAD?  
CG: LIKE LITERALLY FUCKING IN TWO PIECES.  
CG: I THINK WE RAN INTO EACH OTHER IN THE DREAMBUBBLES A FEW TIMES.   
CA: yeah i remember that  
CA: and the wwhole dyin thing wwith the crazed glowwing freak and me being cut in two on a count a the fact that she had a chainsaww  
CA: i remember lots a stuff about the afterlife   
CA: it wwas kinda shitty by wwhatevver  
CG: WAIT, WAS?  
CA: wwhat  
CG: YOU SAID THE AFTERLIFE *WAS* SHITTY.  
CG I MEAN NO ARGUMENTS FROM ME BRO, THAT PLACE IS PARADOXE SPACE’S LANDFILL.  
CG: BUT I JUST MEAN.  
CG: WHERE ARE WE NOW?  
CA: wwell i cant really be sure a wwhere you are but im in my hivve  
CA: i guess im not dead anymore  
CA: maybe wwhatevver sadistic forces that control the univverse havve decided to givve me a second chance to carry out my plans  
CA: maybe im  
CA: some kinda chosen one?  
CG: FUCK NO.  
CG: THIS HAS GOT TO BE SOME SORT OF WEIRD TIME BULLSHIT AFTERMATH FRMO THE FIGHT WITH ENGLISH.  
CG: THERE’S NO OTHER WAY.  
CG: LISTEN I KNOW THIS IS HARD FOR YOU BUT DISMOUNT RIGHT OFF OF YOUR ELEVATED HOOFBEAST AND FORGET YOUR IDIOTIC GENOCIDAL FANTASIES.  
CG: I NEED YOU TO TELL ME EVERYTHING YOU KNOW.  
CA: alright  
CA: so there i wwas  
CA: mindin my owwn business  
CA: wwhen all of a sudden kan just comes outta nowwhere with her wwretched chainsaww  
CA: chops me right in twwo pieces wwithout evven botherin to challenge me to a proper fight  
CG: I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO SYMPATHY FOR YOU.   
CG: CONTINUE.   
CA: then im dead  
CA: a ghost and evverythin  
CA: so i guess i spent a lot of time bein dead  
CA: but then again wwho evven knowws howw time wworks in that hellhole  
CA: i saww a bunch a alternate timeline vversions of us  
CA: evven ran into my young ancestor a couple a times  
CG: OH GOD DO NOT EVEN GET ME STARTED ON THOSE ASSHOLES.  
CA: i knoww tell me about it  
CA: right so me an him wwent out a couple a times  
CG: YOU FUCKING DIDN’T.  
CA: wwell its not like the god damned afterlife is the ideal place to find hot singles in your area  
CG: YES IT IS.  
CG: THE AFTERLIFE IS JUST COMPLETELY FULL OF ALTERNATE VERSIONS OF OUR ASSHOLE FRIENDS AND YOU HAVE AN ETERNITY TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT.  
CG: HUMAN JESUS WRINKLEFUCKING CHRIST ERIDAN.  
CG: ARE YOU REALLY THAT PATHETIC?  
CA: thats not evven wwhat i wwould call it a little bit  
CA: my ancestor wwas vvery attractivve and vvery single   
CA: not to mention a seadwweller as well a course  
CA: givve me one reason i should havve rejected his advvancements  
CG: I COULD GIVE YOU AN INFINITE LIST OF REASONS THAT THAT IS A HORRIBLE AND DISGUSTING THING TO DO BUT MY HEAD HURTS TOO MUCH.  
CG: GET TO THE INTERESTING AND RELEVANT INFORMATION.  
CG: NOW.   
CA: so there i wwas in the afterlife  
CA: an then all of a sudden there i wwasnt  
CA: then fuckin gamzee tosses me in to the kernelsprite  
CA: wwith none other than captor of all people  
CG: OH YEAH I HAD HEARD ABOUT THAT.  
CG: CONGRATULATIONS, YOU AND SOLLUX COME IN RUNNER UP FOR PARTICIPANTS IN THE BIGGEST FREAK OF NATURE THAT THE GAME MANAGED TO CREATE.  
CA: wwhy only second  
CA: i had to suffer sharin a body wwith that slurryblooded oaf for second place  
CG: DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE KERNELSPRITE HE THREW TAVROS AND VRISKA INTO?  
CG: IT EXPLODED AFER LITERALLY LIKE, TWO MINUTES.  
CG: I THINK THAT TAKES THE BASTARDIZED, FRANKENSTEINIAN CAKE.   
CA: oh god thats right i kneww about that  
CA: fuckin hilarious  
CG: YEAH KIND OF.  
CG: SO. GET TO THE POINT.  
CA: wwell awwhile later i just got kinda fed up and exploded  
CA: you of all people should knoww howw that is  
CG: I DO NOT *EXPLODE* THANK YOU VERY MUCH.  
CA: you kinda do kar  
CG: NO, I DON'T. I AM COMPLETELY CALM AND IN CONTROL OF MY EMOTIONS.  
CA: ivve seen otherwwise  
CG: LISTEN SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU MUDWRIGGLING NOOKSCRAPER.  
CA: god wwoww im just sayin  
CA: so then i wwas back bein dead  
CA: wwhich wwas wway better than havving to spend one more day with that idiot and his boy shorts  
CG: HE’S KIND OF A DUMBASS BUT HE’S A BETTER HOPE PLAYER THAN YOU EVER WERE.  
CA: no that guy wwasnt good at anytin except for suckin at everythin  
CG: UGH I AM SO NOT GETTING INTO THIS RIGHT NOW.  
CG: MY ENTIRE BEING HAS BECOME A FULCRUM OF SHEER UNPLEASANTNESS AND PHYSICAL DISCOMFORT AND THIS ENTIRE CONVERSATION IS ONLY SERVING TO FLING THE REMAINING SHRED OF MY SANITY INTO THE VERY DEPTH OF THE VOID TO BE SURROUNDED BY UNHOLY, TENTACLED ABOMINATIONS FOR THE REST OF TIME UNTIL THE UNIVERSE COLLAPSES IN ON ITSELF WHICH WILL HOPEFULLY BE VERY SOON.  
CA: ok  
CA: so lets bring this back to me and wwhat i wwas saying for a minute  
CA: sol and i wwere back in the dreambubbles after explodin  
CA: and then i wwas just back here  
CA: it felt like i just blinked and then i wwoke up in my hivve dressed in my normal clothes  
CA: all alivve and breathin and evverythin  
CA: wwhats up wwith that  
CG: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.  
CG: AHAHAHAHAHHAHHHAHA.  
CG: HAH.  
CG: HHAHAHAHAHEHEHEHEHE.  
CG: HEHEHEHEHEH.  
CA: kar wwhat the fuck  
CA: youre sort a givvin me the wwillies here man  
CG: JACK NOIR AND THE FUCKING CONDESCE AND THAT SON OF A BITCH LORD ENGLISH CAN ALL GET IN LINE AND LICK MY AUTOEROTIC SHAME GLOBES.   
CA: wwhat  
CA: does this mean that you actually managed to wwin  
CA: i dont evven believve that for a second  
CA: no wway you could beat jack or that english guy  
CG: WELL WE DID.  
CG: WE WON AND I GUESS THAT MEANS EVERYONE’S ALIVE AGAIN?   
CG: SO SUCK IT.   
CA: that fuckin impossible kar you shouldntvve been able to beat jack  
CA: he wwas like  
CA: crazy powwerful  
CG: TURNS OUT THAT WE WERE EVEN MORE POWERFUL.  
CG. AHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAA.   
CA: right wwell  
CA: wwhat noww then  
CG: FUCK I-  
CG: I HAVE NO IDEA   
CG: MY PLAN PRETTY MUCH JUST STOPPED WITH THE BIG BATTLE BECAUSE I DIDN’T REALLY CALCULATE FOR SURVIVAL, YOU KNOW?   
CA: i guess wwe just go back to doin wwhatevver  
CG: WAIT SHIT.  
CG: WHAT IF   
CG: WHAT IF NOT EVERYBODY CAME BACK?   
CA: wwell i guess thats too bad for them then  
CA: im just glad that im not still stuck sharin a body with a peasant or drifting aimlessly through the vvoid for all of eternity  
CG: I’M GOING TO GO FIND SOMEONE LESS AWFUL THAN YOU TO TALK TO.   
CA: wwhats that supposed to mean  
CG: IT MEANS YOU’RE AWFUL.   
CG: LATER, LOSER.   
CG: IM OUT.  
CG: (:B  
\-- carcinoGenetecist [CG] ceased pestering caligulasAquarium [CA] \-- 

You look at your chumproll.

apocalypseArisen: ONLINE. 

you hover your each one, trying to decide who to talk to first and what you’d even say to people who’ve been gone for sweeps and you weren’t even sure you cared until it was too late 

twinArmageddons: ONLINE. 

trying to decide if this is even real if you even deserve this 

adiosToreador: ONLINE.

thinking about WHY and HOW and you were never expecting them back

arsenicCatnip: ONLINE. 

you never thought you’d see half these people again

grimAuxiliatrix: ONLINE

maybe everything from here on out gets okay 

gallowsCallibrator: ONLINE

maybe things go your way 

arachnidsGrip: ONLINE 

is this what winning feels like?

centaursTesticle: ONLINE

is this what it means to be a hero? 

terminallyCapricious: ONLINE

yeah. you think it is 

caligulasAquarium: ONLINE

no one can take your accomplishments away from you now 

cuttlefishCuller: ONLINE

and god help anyone who tries. 

CURRENT cuttlefishCuller [PCC] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board OFFICIAL ROYAL ALT----ERNIAN MESSAGE BOARD!!!Í

CCC: GLUBGLUBGLUBGLUBGLUB!!! 38D  
CCC: I’V---E GOT SOM--E REELY GOOD N-------EWS!

CURRENT carcinoGenetecist [CCG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CCG: FEFERI.  
CCC: Karcrab!  
CCC: I’ve got some GR---EAT news!  
CCG: I’M NOT EVEN BEING SARCASTIC A LITTLE BIT HERE WHEN I SAY I AM HAPPY TO HEAR THAT.   
CCC: 38O.  
CCC: Somebody’s in a good mood.   
CCG: YEAH KIND OF.  
CCG: I GUESS SO.   
CCG: ANYWAY, I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU.

CURRENT twinArmageddons [CTA] responded to memo.

CTA: hey what2 everyone up two.  
CTA: why am ii aliive.  
CCC: I have news for everyone!  
CTA: okay that answer2 the fiirst que2tiion.   
CCG: FEFERI I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU. 

CURRENT arachnidsGrip [CAG] RIGHT NOW resopnded to memo. 

CAG: Hey everyone ::::).  
CAG: Never thought I’d 8e seeing this sorry lot of losers all in the same place this side of the dream8u88les!  
CCG: WHY THE HELL DID THE GAME HAVE TO BRING BACK THE PSYCHOPATHS TOO?  
CCG: WHERE THE HELL IS SOMEONE THAT IT DOESN’T PHYSICALLY PAIN ME TO TALK TO.

CURRENT arsenicCatnip [CAC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. 

CAC: :33 oh my pawsh!   
CAC: :33 it’s so good to s33 efurrybody!  
CCG: I GUESS THIS IS SLIGHTLY LESS HORRIBLE AS LONG AS WE DON’T START RPING.   
CAC: :33 *ac pounces onto her furriends and gives them all friends licks across the face!*  
CAC: :33 *she is so happy to be back to normal, and to s33 all of her playmates again!*  
CCG: FOR GOD’S SAKE YOU’RE MORE THAN 7 SWEEPS OLD. START ACTING LIKE IT. 

CURRENT centaursTesticle [CCT] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CCT: D --> Please excuse my belatedness.  
CAC: :33 *ac leaps over to her meowrail and tickles him with her tail!*  
CCT: D --> Nepeta.   
CCT: D --> t is good to see you speaking as a single entity.   
CAC: :33 i also apurreciate s33ing you when you’re not sharing a body with the weird glasses spurrite!  
CCG: WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS?  
CCG: BESIDES EVERYTHING.   
CCG: NEVERMIND MY QUESTION. FEFERI COULD YOU JUST PLEASE SAY YOUR NEWS AND SO EVERYONE WHO SHOWS UP LATER CAN GO UP AND READ IT AND I DON’T HAVE TO STAY HERE ANY LONGER THAN IS ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY?  
CCG: JUST PLEASE.  
CCG: OH GOD EVERYTHING HURTS. 

CURRENT gallowsCallibrator [CGC] RIGHT NOW responded to memo. 

CGC: W3LL W3LL W3LL, LOOK WH4T TH3 C4T MUT1L4T3D 4ND TH3N L3FT 4FF3CT1ON4T3LY ON TH3 DOORST3P. >:]  
CGC: 1T 1S GOOD TO S33 SO M4NY P3OPL3 BE1NG SL1GHTLY L3SS D34D.   
CCG: TEREZI.  
CCG: FINALLY. SOMEONE I CAN ACTUALLY ATTEMPT CONVERSATION BESIDES THE TYPICAL LEVEL OF IDIOTIC BACK AND FORTH BABBLING WITH.   
CCG: SAVE ME.   
CCC: Sure, Karcrab! 38D  
CCC: OKAY BUOYS AND GILLS!  
CCC: I )(AV---E SOM---E IMPORTANT N------------EWS!  
CGC: H3H3H3.  
CGC: IM SUR3 YOU DO.   
CTA: what iis it?  
CCC: I was just visited by t)(e empirical drones.   
CCC: T)(e old empress )(as been pronounced D--EAD!!!!  
CCG: OH HOLY SHIT I’M AN IDIOT.  
CCG: OF COURSE THAT’S WHAT THIS IS ABOUT.  
CCG: HOW THE HELL DID THAT OCCUR TO ME.   
CTA: woah really?  
CTA: i gue22 that mean2 youre the empre22 now then.  
CTA: congratulation2.   
CCT: D --> I too e%tend my congratulations too our new ruler.   
CAC: :33 i guess this means that the human were able to ofurcome the evil batterwitch!  
CCC: Y-----EAH!! 3833  
CAC: :33 3833!!  
CCG: OKAY GREAT FEFERI HAVE FUN BEING EMPRESS I HAVE SOME STUFF TO TALK TO YOU ABOUT LATER.   
CCG: SAY HI TO EVERYONE ELSE FOR ME.  
CCG: OR DON’T I REALLY COULDN’T CARE LESS.   
CCG: I’M GOING BACK TO SLEEP NOW.   
CGC: G33Z K4RK4T, YOUD TH1NK YOUD B3 A B1T H4PP13R.   
CCG: NO, NO YOU WOULDN’T.  
CCG: I’M OUTIE.

CURRENT carcinoGenetecist [CG] RIGHT NOW stopped responding to memo. 

You strip off your outer armor, leaving the thin layers of fabric underneath on, and decaptchalogue everything you own into a large pile. It’s better than old sopor. You give the pile of weapons, electronics, and other uncomfortable junk a few kicks in an attempt to make it the slightest bit cozier, and flop in, closing your eyes for the first real sleep in more than three, long, human years. 

You’ve got enough time for the important things to wait until tomorrow. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Span classes . . . so many span classes . . .  
> i apologize for Nepeta, but her quirk screws up ALL of the coding :[


	3. Mall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mom and Dad take people shopping.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHEEZE im sorry this took so long have 6k of filler.  
> But you know what? Filler isn't a terrible thing.  
> Fanfiction is like an oreo, you know? Without the solid cookie foundation, you wouldn't have anything but the filling just makes the whole thing so much better.

The look on Jade’s face can only be described as PURE WONDER. It is exactly the kind of expression you would expect from someone who is stepping inside of a shopping mall for the first time. Even if it is the postage stamp sized thing in the town closest to your secluded mansion in the woods. It’s comforting to see her so happy, though. 

You had Your heart hurt for your precious babies (they are all your babies now, whether or not they like it) but it was especially painful to think of the Lil’ Roxy in such a desolate situation.

Lord knows you’ve felt alone enough in a sea of people, so how lonely must she have been felt? 

Roxy grabes Jade’s hands and they both jump up and down excitedly exactly like teenage girls should. They squeak like kitten with string and bounce like hyperactive rabbits. Jake bounds over to them and grins, more teeth than should be in a mouth visible in his huge smile. Little Hass is a fucking CUTIE PATOOTIE. They are all cutie patooties. All of your babies. It’s been barely a full week since you’ve met the vast majority of them, but you are 100% sure that you pretty much completely love all of them. 

Rose is, of course, still your daughter and you never stopped loving her for even one second. And Roxy is biologically you, so you don’t find it too hard to get along.

Dave has a bizarre sense of offbeat humor and raps about what he’s doing pretty much constantly. He shuffles around the house mumbling to himself with a bottle of apple juice in one hand and notebook in the other. He claims to be looking for ‘inspiration’. You have no idea what for. 

 

Dirk is like a younger, grumpier version of Bro with his sun-lightened orange hair meticulously spiked back, and his smattering of freckles barely concealed by his patented Strider style shades. He tries to desperately to curb his enthusiasm. You can tell, though. It’s obvious with the way his mouth parts ever so slightly when he sees something new, or how he wouldn’t stop staring out the window on the entire car ride here. 

You haven’t actually seen much of John. He spends a lot of time asleep, and is normally only awake for short periods of time at strange hours of the night or early morning. When you do talk to him though, he’s great. He’s an incredibly silly person, with a definite presence in a room. He seems to convert the lost, chaotic energy of the rest of your house guests into something a bit more driven and productive. 

Jane is sweeter than a peach and a real sharp girl. She’s got a collection of fake mustaches, wields a giant spoon as a weapon, and seems by far the most sensible of the group. She’s a born nurturer, and during the rare occasions she and John are awake at the same time the two spend their time in kitchen cooking up some of the most delicious food you’ve ever eaten. You tell her she and John shouldn’t have to do the cooking, but she smiles a sad, sad smile and tell you she likes it. 

Jade is THE COOLEST. The absolute coolest little girl you’ve ever met. She’s crazy dangerous with her hardcore rifle, and probably the smartest person in every room she’s been in. Well, perhaps she and Dirk are tied, but there’s no doubt in your mind that Jade’s a scientific genius. You showed her and Roxy your fully stocked laboratory when they were first feeling up to a tour of the house and they pretty much had aneurysms. Jade also told you that she brought John down to the lab too and the three of them had a fun time ectobiologically breeding different kinds of cats for a few solid hours.

You have no idea what you’re going to do with that many fucked up cats, but you are so keeping the one with the tiny wings on its back. 

Jake is pretty much exactly what you would have expected from a 16 year old Hass ‘The Flame’ Harley. Bumbling and awkward, but insanely friendly, shorts a bit too short, stringing together sentences so full of old timey gobbledegook that the you’re surprised you can decipher the meaning. You couldn’t convince him not to talk his freaking pistols to the mall, so you had to have John and Jade assist you in pinning him down to confiscate them. The last thing you want to do is get arrested on your first family outing. 

Said family outing still not the complete family, though. Rose, John, and Jane have remained back at home base along with Bro, because there is no way in hell you were going to leave any of them without adult supervision. The concept of ‘being in a car’ and ‘shopping’ are not foreign to them, and therefore rather uninteresting. You’re honestly a bit surprised Dave comes, but you think he was getting a bit restless in the house all the time. 

So that leaves you, Joel, and the 5 remaining kiddies to shop for school supplies and clothes. 

School supplies. 

The day after they had gotten back, when everyone had settled a bit into the the house, the teens had approached you saying that they wanted to go to school. School. And you said that maybe they should wait, but they didn’t want to join in at the middle of the year because that would be worse and so it was either joining in a week or so or waiting another year.

When you suggested waiting, Rose had given a you a look like two burning knives. It didn’t seem directed at you, but rather at the concept of having to wait for anything. You agree to get them all signed up at the local public school. Rose had been homeschooled before, it was way too long of a commute (like, 45 minutes. Who’s even gonna drive that long for school) to the nearest public school to register your babies.

You, Dad, and Bro had reported your respective charges as being located.

No one had been looking for Jade. 

The police had come, a few days ago, asking to talk to Rose and John and Dave. A few days before that, they had discussed exactly what they were going to say. No one would believe them if they told the truth, and there were so many ways that lying could end up turning sour. They opted for silence. Not _silence_ silence, just complete denial that anything had happened to them. At this point, all the police knew was that they were home, they were gone, and now they’re back with other people. 

You’re lucky that Joel looks so respectable and understands the bureaucracy better than you or Bro. Between your increased alcohol intake after Rose’s disappearance along with your general mad scientist, wizard loving demeanor and Bro’s entire personality the two of you don’t exactly command any respect in a room full of government officials. Joel, however, with his air of 50’s businessman about him seems to get the paper pushers on a level you just don’t

He’s been wonderful about cutting through swathes of red tape. Considering that nobody in the second group of teens has paperwork, it’s been hell to try and get them into custody.

You were terrified that Jade was going to be a problem too, considering that she didn’t belong to any of you either, but to your surprise, she did. Once authorities were alerted of the fact that Jake ‘Hass the Flame’ Harley was dead (nobody knew before, he was awful secluded on that island), the people who had his will came forward. Almost everything went to Jade of course. 

And Jade went to you. 

You were Hass’s closest friend, and he was old. You didn’t know exactly when the meteors were coming, but there was a good chance he would be dead by then. After all, he was already 86 when Jade’s meteor hit. It made sense that he would relinquish custody to you.

You wish she had known earlier. 

Maybe you could have flown her out from the island and she could have spent a few good years with you and Rose in New York before they had to play the game.

You doubt it would have turned out like that, but it’s a nice thought. Mostly you’re just glad that she gets to stay with you and the legalities are all worked out. The government workers have been shockingly helpful, and they’re working on getting Jade’s citizenship officialized. 

Jade, of course, is letting you continue to run Skaianet like you did in Hass’s absence. Although he had empires among empires, Skaianet was, in many way’s Hass’s child and the only one he got personally involved with. 

Interestingly enough, the company with the least amount of influence from Gramps Harley was CrockerCorp. It was also singled out in his will as the only thing that didn’t end up in Jade’s possession. 

It went to Joel instead. Hass, according to his will, in time came to feel guilty about his Grandmother’s choice to give the company to him in the first place. Thusly, the company went to her next of kin. As fate would have it, but you’re sure it’s not a coincidence, Joel was already working for CrockerCorp, in a small management branch back in Washington. 

Joel.

 _There’s_ an interesting subject. 

He is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the most amazing man you’ve ever met. Everything about him. He’s attractive, polite, funny, and he looks at you like you’re all of these things too. You’ve never met anyone who cares so strongly for his kid, and he treats the ones that aren’t his exactly the same. He dresses in suits and a fedora that would look - to quote Bro - crazy douchelicious on anyone that didn’t wear it like him. 

Essentially, you have a full on schoolgirl crush on him.

“So, where should we go first? I imagine you the layout of this shopping mall far better than I would, so I respect your decision on the matter.” He smiles at you softly but sincerely.

_OmmmmffGGGGG WHO even TALKS LIKe that omg_

“Clothes are over here.” You gesture down one fork of the large hallway lined with stores. 

You had agreed on getting clothes first. There was no way this trip would end up going well, not considering that 4/5 of the teens have never been immersed in normal human culture. Clothes shopping would take the longest and they needed to be present, so that was a priority before school supplies. 

“Excellent,” he smiles at you. His eyes are sharp and shining, but not piercing or cold. Just . . . very alive. “Let’s round everyone up then.”

Jade, Jake, Roxy, and Dirk were staring in the window display of the game store, which frequently puts up extravagant lego displays. Currently, it was being changed and the kids watched eagerly as a handful of men and women worked on constructing a towering cityscape out of the plastic bricks. Dave stood back a bit. To anyone who wasn’t looking it would seem like he too was watching the plastic craftsmanship, especially with the sunglasses concealing his eyes, but you know better. 

You’re paying attention. You notice the way his head is tilted a little bit down, instead of gazing up like the other people watching on. He’s watching his friends. The corner of his mouth twitches up into a small smile that he doesn’t try to shove away immediately like he usually does. 

Little sweetheart. 

“Come on now. We can come back later.” Joel says tapping Jake on the shoulder and signaling for the rest of the kids to come. You lead them over in the direction of the large Sears. Normally, you’d go to a more expensive place. Get some stuff tailored, custom made and all that fancy shit. Only the best for your babies. However, you figure that it’s a good way to try and integrate them into the world.

“So, how about you take the boys and I’ll take the ladies so this can all go a bit smoother?”

“Of course. That’s a very rational and commendable suggestion.” _Omg he is so cute how do you even BE THAT CUTE AND ALSO BE A GROWN MAN??????? YOU DON'T KNOW._

“Boys clothes are that way.” You gesture behind Joel. 

“Excellent. Shall we meet back here in an hour or so?”

“Yeah, that sounds good. If we’re going over I’ll just message you.”

“Wait, why can’t we just shop together?” Pipes up Jake. “I’ve spent enough time dilly dallying about away from my friends trying not to get my rump hijacked by alien skullduggery. I hardly think parting ways like a bloody biblical ocean to make shopping a bit quicker is really necessary!”

Psh. Boys. 

“Hon.” You say gently, laying a hand on his shoulder. “Calm down. Half of it’s a privacy thing. I don't think your lady friend particularly want their choice in underwear broadcasted to the other gendered occupants of the house.” He looks a bit sheepish. he shouldn’t feel bad. You understand that they’ve all pretty much got some cray cray separation/anxiety issues.

“Err. Right. Carry on then, ladies.”

Dave laughs a dry little bark. Dirk doesn’t move a muscle other than to make a quick dig. 

“Don’t worry bro, I’m sure Jane will tell you all about her panties as soon as we get home. Hell, she might even show you if you ask nicely.” Jake splutters and Dave sniggers. You can’t help but feel like there might have been a little bit of venom in Dirk’s comment, but nobody seems to mind. Maybe that’s just how he is - Bro is definitely far friendlier than his younger counterpart. 

“No - I - Jane, don’t listen to him, damn it, Strider! Could you hold off on being an insufferable douchenozzle for like five friggen seconds.”

“Let’s save that kind of language for when we’re not shopping, hmm?” Suggests Joel. “Come on. Best to get a move on. We’ll see you ladies back here in a little bit.”

“Alright, see you guys later!!” Jade shouts excitedly. You’re gonna have to ask her to tone it down just a lil bit. They turn to walk but she hops and pulls Dave, Jake, and Dirk into a big hug. You can see a bit of movement from the back of her thick, long skirt. Really gonna have to make sure she keeps that tail and check.

Lil’ you joins in on the hugfest.

“Don’t get into too much trouble, ‘kay? Don’t make Daddy Eggs over here put up with too much of your nonsense guys!” Roxy has trouble talking just like Dirk. Not actually trouble really, they just both have strange impediments. Roxy slurs her words a bit, tending to blur them together or making her enunciation kinda fuzzy. Dirk is the opposite; he pronounces everything incredibly sharply and isolates each syllable. Each sound equally out of place. 

“Jesus Christ you two, I get that we’ve got serious issues but we’re going clothes shopping for like an hour we’ll be fine.” Dave says firmly but with a bit of a laugh at the end. He attempts to pry the dog girl off of him. 

“Geeeeeez fine!!!” Jade rolls her eyes. “Don’t come crying to me if you get kicked out of the mall for trying to swordfight a little girl or something Mr. Smartguy!” She sticks her tongue out at him. 

“Dude come on even _I_ wouldn’t swordfight a little girl. Unless she deserved it or something. Whatever. Anyway catch you later.”

“Bye!” Roxy calls at them. 

“Come on, Ladies. This way.” You lead them into the young adult department where clothes their size and common teenage fashion would be. 

“Oh my god Roxy, I can’t believe we’re shopping in a mall!”

Jade’s little accent is so cute. It’s like not quite British with a teeny bit of Australian.

“OMG I knoooooow! It’s like. So. Weird. Like so far malls don’t really seem as cool as everyone made them out to be but there’s SO MANY people here.” 

“I know it’s so cool! I saw a guy with a rainbow mohawk and a bunch of face piercings!” They do that teenage girl things that most teenage girls instinctually know how to do where they clasp each others hands and jump up and down a lot and make high pitched little noises. 

“WOAH look at this shirt omg.” Roxy runs up to a rack of longer t-shirts with repeating cat patterns on them. It was pretty much the only clothes of her own that actually was practical enough to wear outside. They all had like, a bunch of hella fancy outfits and nothing else for some reason. John and Dave had a handful of suits each, Rose a bunch of neat spooky goth lady dresses and her armor and stuff, Jade had a few gowns or skirt ensembles that wouldn’t hide her tail well, Dirk had. You don’t even know. You just don’t know how to describe what he was wearing besides ‘fashion of boy raised by robots’. Jake’s clothes looked like they should belong to a male stripper. Jane was the only one with practical stuff to wear, even if it isn’t the most fashionable. 

Jade - bless her heart - helped transport a bunch of clothes and other possessions from her, John, and Dave’s houses. Some of it fit some of them, luckily, and your clothes fit the girls decently enough too. 

You’re definitely gonna have to hire a tailor soon though. 

You allow the girls to wander chaotically and aimlessly through the rows of clothes, pointing out some things you think would look nice or helping find a the right size of everything now and then. You manage to have some surprisingly good bonding time. While distracted with something to do with the rest of their bodies, telling stories isn’t as boring for them. You manage to get some more information out of them than you had previously, and you learn a few things.

Roxy, unlike you, specializes in computer programming. Originally you had wanted to do that, but you had let yourself get discouraged by sexist assholes who said you couldn’t. You studied it on the side and are very good at it, but being a leet haxor has not been something you’ve thought about in a long time. Now, your specialties are astronomy and biological engineering. 

You learn that she used to drink, but doesn’t any more. She quit, and with the help of her friends (Jane in particular, and later John) she got past the addiction. You’re almost a little bit jealous because that’s something you’ve never had the support system to do, but you wouldn’t trade your life for hers for a million dollars. Like you’d need a million more dollars anyway, lol. 

Still, it makes you think.

You’re embarrassed to admit it but you’re a little bit tipsy right now. In Rose’s absence, your drinking only got worse. Now that she’s back you’ve been trying to cut down, but it’s barely been a week, and a vice is a vice. Knowing that Roxy was strong enough to do it makes you feel a little bit stronger yourself.  
Jade tells you about how her anthro-tastic additions are the result of being merged with her beloved dog Becquerel (you remember Hass’s dog. FREAKKKYY thing, but friendly enough) in exchange for powers which they refer to as being ‘God Tier’. You jokingly ask if that means that they’re literal gods now and you say yes. 

Apparently, they created the universe you live in. Frankly you’re not sure how to feel about that, and you aren’t sure how much of it you can actually believe. You’re not about to contest anything they say though, they don’t deserve to be treated like that. 

You talk about sillier things, about how Jade convinced John and Dave(sprite? you aren’t sure what the suffix adds) to wear dresses and have a tea party. You talk about the Strider boys and their rapping and their swords. Dirk’s puppetry. Dave’s bizarre death fanboying, even when he hates the concept of dying. John and Jane and the way they prank and bake and how John hates cake and no one is really 100% sure if it’s the principle of the thing or if he doesn’t like how it tastes. Jane’s crush on Community’s Ron Swanson or Arrested Development’s Dr. Tobias Funke. Jake and his obsession with any and all movies. Rose and her wizard fanfiction. 

You and Roxy end up talking about wizards a lot. Jade doesn’t seem to mind.

You’re glad that Roxy and Rose bonded over their wizardry. You knew the whole time that Rose had a legitimate love for wizards, no matter how hard she pretended otherwise after you tried to bond over it. She had been exuberantly commenting on chapters of your original work - Wizardy Herbert and the Mobius Slipknot - for months. She even had a couple of drawings of Wizardy Herbert and Beatrix Tipplepot themselves taped up on her walls. Still, you wish that you could just have a talk in person with her instead of being shifty through the internet. It would have been nice. 

Roxy mentions Complacency of the Learned, which through your motherly snooping you recognize to be the title of Rose’s book(s). 

“Wait, Rose let you read her stuff?” You ask. “Wow. She’d never let me in a million years.” 

“Well, I mean, let’s kinda a relative term I guess.” She shrugs.”She left me with a few of the original copies, so you can take that as her wanting me to read them.” 

You are missing something very large here.

“Woah woah woah woah hold up. Published? What do you mean.” Jade answers before Roxy can.

“Okay, so you know how we said there were two universe? The universe with me and John and Rose and Dave, and then the one we went to next with Roxy and Jane and Dirk and Jake and everyone?” 

“Yeah.” You’re gonna just listen and not try to figure any of this out until it’s explained to you. 

“Well, I mean, technically there were three universes if you count the trolls. Which of course I do! Man, I miss them. But I guess now there’s four with this universe. So anyway in that universe, Rose was Roxy’s mom instead of you being Rose’s mom! The meteors that we all fell to earth in got switched there.”

“Woah. Freaky. But wait, how could Rose and Dave have raised you and Dirk if you lived alone in the future?” You’re giving their holes the benefit of the doubt because they have magic powers. 

“They didn’t! It’s kinda weird and confsuin’, I’ll explain later.” Roxy says. “Right now though I want to try on these clothes! The big changing room just opened up.” Jade drags Roxy over to the larger changing room that has just been vacated and they go in together, no doubt to approve each other’s outfits before they show you. Also, Jade sometimes has problems with the tail in pants. You pull out your phone to message Bro. 

[MOM began messaging BRO][12:47]

]MOM: yo yo  
MOM: distri  
MOM: pick it upppppp  
MOM: hot momma in the house  
BRO: Yes, hello Hot Momma.  
BRO: You’ve got DiStri.   
BRO: What can I do ya for?  
MOM: just checkin on up on the other half ofm y babsies  
BRO: You mean the other 3/8. You’ve got 5 with you.  
MOM: w/e  
MOM: spill  
MOM: how goes them  
BRO: Them goes good. The four of us have been playing Mario Kart.  
MOM: woahr eally?  
MOM: u ogt little johnny out of his bed long en ough for that?  
BRO: Jane coaxed him out. Nice girl.  
BRO: Rose is a really fucking cool kid too.  
MOM: hells to the syup  
MOM: yup*  
MOM: yur preching to the maternial choir  
MOM: maternal*  
BRO: As for John, though . . .  
BRO I have never hated anyone quite as passionately in my life. 

The girls come out of the changing room looking very pretty in fitted tank tops and looser jeans. Jade turns and you can only tell that her tail’s tucked into one of the legs if you’re looking for it. You give the Mom Seal of Approval and they head back to try on the next few items. 

MOM: what???!!!!  
MOM: why omg he seems like such a sweet boy!  
BRO: No, I’m pretty sure he’s the antichrist.   
MOM: ok hes defs not that what the hell did he do  
BRO: Fucker keeps beating me at Mario Kart.  
BRO: Beating.  
BRO: ME.  
BRO: At MARIO KART.  
BRO: I fucking OWN at Mario Kart.  
BRO: But no.   
BRO: Alongs come John Egbert and his fucking Quacker bike and all of a sudden its a pathetic cup shaped lump of silver for Bro.   
BRO: He’s playing as baby luigi this is humiliating.   
MOM: omg lol  
MOM: please tell em youre not giving him too much shit ithink hes haveing a hard time too  
MOM: no scratch that hes defs having just as hard a time as erverybody else  
BRO: I may or may not be giving him minor amounts of shit.  
MOM: brooooo noooo  
MOM: leavethe poor kiddies alooonee  
BRO: Don’t worry, I’m not being mean.   
BRO: I am just acting appropriately in accordance to my title of designated older brother.   
BRO: So how’s shopping going?  
MOM: p good  
MOM: daddy eggs took the boys an dive got the ladies w me  
MOM: they look very happy and pretty and we are trying on clothes r/n  
BRO: Good to hear.  
BRO: And I’m glad Dave went, then.  
BRO: There are very few situations that I could imagine being more awkward than Jake and Little Dirk trying to shop with Daddy Egbert without some sort of party to bridge that communication gap.  
MOM: OMG LMAP  
MOM: lmao*  
MOM: thats lke  
MOM: that would be terrible  
MOM: oh so guesssss what!  
BRO: What?  
MOM: u kno w how the game happened through like different universes n stuff?   
BRO: Yeah?

The girls come out with some different pants and shirts. You veto the shirt Jade has on. Not as flattering as it had appeared on the rack. Roxy’s shirt looks nice though. 

MOM: so n/e way apparently there were older versions of rose n john n jade n dave in the universe that little us came from  
BRO: Yeah, that’s what they were telling me.  
BRO: Apparently, Rose was like a super famous author.   
MOM: yeah thats what lil me said!!   
MOM: good for rosey im so proud a her  
MOM: so ur getting janey and everyone to talk to you then?  
BRO: Affirmative.  
BRO: They’ve been telling me some neat stuff while I kick their asses minus John’s ass at Mario Kart.   
BRO: Other universe Dave made SBAHJ into movies.  
BRO: I wonder if he'll do the same here?   
BRO: That'd be cool of him. I think he could do it.  
BRO: Apparently, in the other universe, Grandma Jade founded Skaianet.   
BRO: Meanwhile Grandpa John became a vaudeville comedian and starred as the judge on Night Court after being CEO of CrockerCorp for a long time.  
BRO: And - get this - Skaianet and CrockerCorp were full blown sworn enemies during the time.  
BRO: Isn’t that neat?  
MOM: omg totes i want to now more about that u should ask for me  
BRO: I wanted to know more too but everyone who knows about it is dead.  
BRO: Story of my life.  
BRO: Not really though I don't know enough people for any of them to be dead.  
BRO: Jane told me everything she knew and she also said that Jake might know some stuff.  
BRO: Anyway, they been spilling any information to you?   
MOM: lil bit   
MOM: u kno they created the entire universe??!  
MOM: or so they say  
MOM: idk it makes as much sense as nything  
BRO: Woah.  
BRO: That’s a bit hard to wrap my head around.  
BRO: I’ll ask Rose about it.  
BRO: According to John she is the exposition MASTER.  
BRO: Something about light players?  
BRO: You should bug the kids on your end for stuff about game mechanics I want to know that shit.

The girls are wearing sundresses now and you have them do a little twirl. They’ve got big, stupid grins on your face and don’t even seem to notice the other girls around you. You’re glad that they aren’t nervous about other people yet. It’s probably coming, though. 

One girl comes up to Jade and says she likes her hat. It’s a green beanie with a pattern of white and black puppies on it.  
Jade smiles so so big and says ‘Thank you!’ and says she likes the girl’s shirt which is also green and has some sort of leafy pattern on it. She and Roxy just give each other the happiest, craziest looks. 

Your heart hurts for them. 

MOM: nah i aint buggin them for nothing right now  
MOM: gonna let the babies tell me when theyre ready  
MOM: donnt give any1 too mcuh of a thrid degree ok bro?  
BRO: Yes, Mom.   
BRO: JEEZ.   
BRO: SHIT.  
BRO: Just fell off of rainbow road.  
BRO: Maybe trying to chat and play Mario Kart is what’s ensuring John’s victory.   
BRO: Hmm.  
MOM: yeah porbbably   
MOM: u may b the GAME BRO but evn u r impaired by multiasking   
MOM: y do u even have ur shades hooked up 2 chat  
MOM: liek do u evn talk to ne1 besides me   
BRO: Yes!  
BRO: Shut up.  
MOM: who do you even talk to.  
BRO: For you information, I have several acquaintances with whom chatting is an acceptable behavior.   
BRO: You aren’t privy to all of the finer details of my life.   
MOM: yeah cuxz u like ditched me fr the past 3 yrs  
MOM: no but who u chattin withhh  
MOM: spillll  
BRO: Dennis and Ron.  
MOM: oooohhhhHHHH whos DENNIS and RON?  
BRO: They write Game Bro with me.  
BRO: Remember?  
MOM: oooooh  
MOM: yeah  
MOM: dennis...........  
MOM: *wiglges eyebrows*  
BRO: Stop.  
MOM: i remmeber some things u were sayung about deenis  
BRO: That was during college, ok?   
BRO: I’ve also been talking to Dad a lot recently.  
BRO: Weird guy, and that’s coming from me.   
MOM: omg totes but in a goood way!  
MOM: hes allso REALLY hot  
MOM: like  
MOM: wow  
BRO: Seconded.  
BRO: How old is he anyway though?  
MOM: idk i just assumed he was liek my age maybe a lil bit older??  
BRO: That wouldn’t really add up though.   
BRO: The older Jane who was his mother was a few months older than Hass.   
BRO: In order for him to have been her son, he’d have to have been born sometime in the mid 50s at the latest.  
BRO: He old, dogg. 

You hear teenage giggling from the room with your girls inside. 

MOM: like i even careee  
MOM: still wanna tap that omg  
BRO: What.  
MOM: wat  
BRO: This is news to me.   
MOM: omg rlly i thought i wasnt even being a little bit sutble  
MOM: i wanna get  
MOM: wit  
MOM: that  
BRO: LIke just in a sex way or you want to date him too?  
MOM: 2nd one  
BRO: Cool go for it.  
MOM: i miiiiiightt  
MOM: *winkes*  
BRO: I gotta admit he’d definitely attractive in a weird businessman sort of way and I think he might secretly be really ripped, but do you wanna know something creepy?  
MOM: wat  
BRO: If I’m right about when he was born (I’m right about most things and fail to see why this should be an exception) then I’m actually closer in age to the kids than him.  
MOM: ksdjaksldjakl omg  
MOM: thats  
MOM: omg he coudl be ur dad

The girls step out of the changing room back in their normal clothes with armfuls of clothes each. 

“Okay Jade has the no pile and I’ve got the yes pile!” Says Roxy.  
“Can we go meet up with the boys now? And maybe get something to eat I am STARVING.” Jade asks. She looks up at you with her big puppy dog eyes and goofy teeth and you could never say no to anything she asks of you even if you wanted to. Which you don’t. 

“Sure thing. Come on.” You say. You start walking in the direction of the checkout counter. 

BRO: I know. That’s so bizarre.  
BRO: Paired with the fact that he tells me to call him Dad, and that I was totally checking him out earlier, it makes things a little bit weird.  
BRO: But whatever absolutely all of this is weird.  
BRO: Did you know little me and little Hass were a thing for like 5 or 6 months?  
MOM: ELL EM AY FUCKING OH  
MOM: thats presh  
BRO: Apparently it ended kind of horrible due to a horrible lack of communication from either side.   
BRO: Story of my fucking life, ahahahaha.  
BRO: Jokes on me I’m obnoxious and alone in every universe.   
MOM: lol shh no bby  
MOM: u will find truuu luv someday  
MOM: momma promises u  
BRO: I'm a lone wolf.  
MOM: neway i gtg get the kiddies some food n then school supplies we just finished up with our clothes  
BRO: Ok cool.  
BRO: Catch you on the flipside.  
BRO: Oh wait one more thing.  
BRO: Remind me to talk to you about working for Skaianet when you get back.  
BRO: You mentioned that, right?  
MOM: yeah totessss  
MOM: im glad ur finally willing we would have had u on YEARS ago if u hadnt been so aginst it  
BRO: Yeah I was an obnoxious little shithead what can I say.  
BRO: Anyway, laters.   
MOM: l9r

[MOM ceased messaging BRO][13:12]

You have the girls place the clothes they’re buying on the counter and the cashier starts ringing them up. 

[MOM began messaging DAD][13:13]

MOM: yo so we’re checkin out over here  
DAD: EXCELLENT. THE BOYS AND I HAVE JUST FINISHED OUR CLOTHES SHOPPING ENDEAVOUR A FEW MINUTES AGO.  
DAD: SHALL WE STILL MEET AT THE AGREED SPOT?  
MOM: yeah sounds good  
MOM: everything go smoothly?  
DAD: YES THINGS WENT RELATIVELY SIMPLE.  
DAD: DAVID HAS BEEN VERY HELPFUL WITH THE OTHER TWO BOYS.  
DAD: THEY SEEM MUCH MORE COMFORTABLE LISTENING TO HIM THAN THEY DO TO ME.   
MOM: yeh that makes sense neither of them r used to the fatherly type like u   
DAD: THAT’S A VERY SAD THOUGHT. I HOPE IN TIME THEY CAN COME TO THINK OF ME AS A FATHER FIGURE TO THEM.   
MOM: im sure they will you juts gonna give m timem to adjust   
MOM: i feel so bad for all of them  
DAD: OH, ME TOO, UNDOUBTEDLY.  
DAD: I THINK WE SHOULD TRY AND TALK WITH THEM ONE ON ONE AND TRY TO GET THEM THE HELP THEY NEED INDIVIDUALLY.   
DAD: I’VE BEEN READING THOSE PAMPHLETS THAT WOMAN GAVE US.  
DAD: THE MAJORITY OF THEM HAVE DEFINITELY BEEN EXPRESSING SYMPTOMS OF PTSD. FRANKLY, IT’S TO BE EXPECTED.   
MOM: yeah talkin to them sounds like a good idea  
MOM: ive been talkin to them a lil bit but i dont wanna pry when theyve just got back, you kno?  
DAD: YES, UNFORTUNATELY IT’S GOING TO BE NECESSARY.   
DAD: ALRIGHT, WELL, I WILL BRING THE BOYS OVER TO THE AGREED MEETING SPOT. WE CAN TALK MORE WITH BRO WHEN WE RETURN HOME.   
MOM: kk cya in a few  
DAD: GOODBYE FOR THE TIME BEING. 

[DAD ceased messaging MOM][13:19]

Alright. You’re making a pact with yourself. You’re going to get these kids in a healthy space, and you’re going to get yourself in a healthy space. If they were strong enough to find their way back home, then you’re strong enough to give up drinking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Dennis and Ron.](http://www.mspaintadventures.com/?s=6&p=001942)  
>  I am heavily considering putting them in the story.
> 
>  
> 
> PS if there are any major errors in this story, blame my moirail/beta who thought that her constructive criticism was too rude no matter how many times I told her otherwise.


End file.
